Tears Are Part of Therapy

Dear Self,

If you’ve been wondering if it’s okay or normal to cry in therapy, this message is for you.

Tears are part of therapy.

Crying is part of therapy.

The absence of crying is part of therapy.

It is all part of therapy.

I have observed various thoughts and beliefs about crying. There are four reoccurring characteristics that I have noticed within my therapy office:

Identity Criers- people who take on crying as part of their identity.

I’m not a crier.

I am a crier, so get ready.

Ashamed Criers- people who relentlessly apologize the second a tear forms.

I’m sorry.

I’m so sorry.

Sorry, I know this is gross.

Proud Criers- people who think they receive a badge of honor for crying less.

I used to cry, but not anymore.

Nothing bothers me anymore.

You’ll never get me to cry.

Invalidating Criers- people who think they are weak for crying.

I have no idea why I am crying.

It wasn’t a big deal; I’m just crying over spilled milk.

I’m just too sensitive.  

Letting go of limiting beliefs around crying

As you can see, we have lots of thoughts about the combination of water, salt, fatty oils, and proteins that drip from our eyes. Such rigid beliefs tend to interfere with therapeutic gain and personal growth. We are so busy managing our tears, maintaining a specific persona, and being worried about how others perceive us, to allow our body the emotional discharge it craves.

I used to exhibit all four of the characteristics above, so therefore, I was very busy managing my appearance and neglecting my healing. Refusing to cry did not make me stronger, it made me numb. Refusing to get help did not make me independent, it made me lonely and stressed.

Imagine if we just cried when our bodies wanted to cry.

Imagine if we stopped crying when our bodies wanted to stop.

Imagine if we did not shame ourselves when the tears did not come.

Imagine if we listened to our bodies, rather than our thoughts occasionally.

Our environment does not always allow for tears, and sometimes, it is wise to hold back, but if we cannot cry in therapy, where can we cry?

xoxo,

Self

Looking for a place to cry, express other emotions, heal, or cope? The Arizona counselors at Dear Self Trauma Therapy are ready to help you with the next step.