Let’s Get Real About Affirmations
Dear Self,
Let’s talk affirmations.
Do they help? Are they a waste of time? Is it a scam?
I was firmly rooted in my position of anti-affirmations when I first became a therapist. In fact, I was anti-positive psychology and anything that resembled good vibes and peace, love, and happiness. I was determined they did not help, and those who proclaimed they helped, were merely stuck in a multi-dimensional delusion.
Crafting affirmations that actually work
I did not want to be an unknowledgeable affirmation-hater, so I explored affirmations a little further. I discovered the issue. For me, it was that I did not believe the affirmations whatsoever, so repeating them continuously was like hearing the tree is purple on repeat. It did not make sense and it certainly did not make me feel better. I felt like I was lying to myself when I said them.
As I started talking to people about this topic, I realized there was a split crowd. Some people tended to use positive affirmations and mantras with ease. When they read or said them, they felt better. They felt loving and caring for themselves and it set the tone for a pleasant day. If that is you, I admire you. Please keep doing what you are doing because it is working!
For those who have thoughts like I had and struggle with affirmations, there is an alternative. To make it more helpful, there must be some sort of truth in the affirmation to get our buy in to repeating it, to hopefully one day believe it. For example, if you think, I am stupid, saying the affirmation, I am Smart, probably isn’t going to cut it. I would suggest some alternatives like: It’s okay to ask for help with things I do not know/ It’s okay that I do not know everything/ I am working hard to learn X.
Sure, those affirmations do not sound as sexy as I am smart, but at least it is a message we can get behind. It is like the affirmation pond. We can dip our toes into the pond and when that gets easier, we are ready to move to the river.
Incorporating positivity into your daily life
That’s great we can make affirmations more believable, but what’s the point?
Ideally, affirmations serve as a replacement for negative, self-sabotaging thoughts. Improved thoughts then lead to more positive and helpful behaviors. That may be a big ask. Affirmations do not have to do all that; they can just be nice to read or repeat. It feels good to be surrounded by positive messages in a world that can be instinctively negative. We are faced with so many negative messages throughout the day. We turn on the news and hear of hate and death. We drive to work, and people are honking, yelling, and flipping one another off for driving too slowly. The radio blares of heartbreak and revenge. People complain about the customer service in line at the grocery store. Throughout the day co-workers are complaining and gossiping about who knows what anymore. You see advertisements reminding you that you do not look skinny enough or young enough or pretty enough. You walk home and see the stain on the carpet that you cannot afford to change and become reminded of how inadequate your salary and home are…
We do not have to look hard to feel the negativity surrounding us (and that’s not including the incessant negative thoughts occurring in our heads). We must be intentional and deliberate if we want to hear positive, loving messages. This is how affirmations can be a useful tool.
I am going to take you through a little home tour - here are some ways I have incorporated affirmations in my home.
Coffee station
Dish towel
Drying mat for dishes
Wall tapestry
A wall painting that my dearest, talented friend made for me
Bathroom rug
Bathroom decor
A pillow… with my doggy photobombing
A classic light switch note
Basically, my house has turned into a massive Hallmark card. And I love every inch of it. It sure beats living in a house plastered with negative self-talk. I am a failure and I’m not good enough do not exactly create a welcoming living room vibe.
Using affirmations in your journaling practice
Another way I incorporate affirmations is through my daily journaling practice. I write at least one affirmation every morning. Below are some of my favorites.
· I am allowed to say no when I don’t want to say yes.
· I am hurting, but I am also healing.
· Love is unlimited.
· I love myself even when I feel unlovable.
· I am lovable. I am likeable.
· I am a diamond. A little pressure only brings me more clarity.
· I can’t control what happens, but I can make the best choices for me.
· I allow myself to love who I am, not who I think I should be.
· I am safe, stable, and secure.
· I am learning to let go.
· I am so proud of my strength to walk away from what doesn’t serve me.
· I refuse to be moody when I can shake my booty.
· I am a priority in my life. My health and healing matter.
· Today I find peace in being good enough because perfection is impossible.
· I nurture relationships that offer reciprocity.
· I stop worrying about the “when” and allow myself to trust in Divine timing.
· I am proud of myself for getting this far.
· I forgive myself for taking so long to let go.
· I work hard to cultivate a kind soul and grateful heart.
· I give myself permission to leave the older versions of me in the past.
· As I become more successful, I help more people.
· I am doing the best I can, and that’s a beautiful thing.
· I am worthy of being loved, respected, and valued.
· I am proud of all the bad days I have survived.
· I am resilient, but I deserve rest too.
· I am allowed to love my body regardless of its size.
· I listen instead of judging.
· I am human; I am allowed to make mistakes.
Have some fun as you play around with affirmations. And Happy New Year!
xoxo,
Self
If you found this blog useful, check out other mental health resources on our blog written by an experienced Arizona trauma therapist.