Not That Special
Dear Self,
Sometimes our inner voice tells us that we are deserving of pain and punishment. It says we are bad, far worse than anyone else. We are often able to apply understanding and compassion towards others, but not ourselves.
Friends, we are not that special.
We just aren’t. If others are deserving of compassion, so are we. If others can make mistakes and ask for help when needed, so can we. If others are worthy of forgiveness, so are we. Logically and statistically, we cannot be different from everyone else.
It’s time to end the cycle of shame and self-punishment.
I fall into this trap easily and repeatedly if I am not mindful and self-aware. It is easy for me to relentlessly shame myself for making a mistake under the notion of I should have known better, or better yet, I knew better, and I still messed up. Even when we think we know better, we are still mistake-making human beings. We are not machines; we fail. This is something I immediately accept in others, and continually must remind myself about me. Failure to accept this notion often results in self-punishment. Self-punishment can appear in various formats- cutting, burning, restricting and/or bingeing food, alcohol and/or drug abuse, toxic relationships, etc... It can be enticing to think we deserve this kind of behavior after what we did and who we are, yet we would never tell another individual she should cut her body because of the mistake she made last Tuesday night.
Self-punishment was very familiar to me as a child. I used to make myself run laps and do sprints to punish myself after making a mistake. When running laps was unattainable, I moved to pushups and sit-ups, for that could be done in my bedroom at any time of day. If the error I committed was related to school, I forced myself to write and re-write assignments over and over. I often spent hours rewriting assignments because of one misspelled word or pen smear on my paper. My childhood punishment evolved into adulthood punishment, furthering harm to myself. This was my norm. I thought everyone lived like this.
Forgiving yourself can be deeply healing.
I did not want to keep punishing myself, but to let that go I had to first realize I am not that special. I do not need to hold myself to a higher standard than everyone else. I can allow myself to be a mistake-making human being and engage in human experiences with the rest of the world.
If this is an ongoing battle for you too, Maya Angelou reminds us to forgive ourselves for not knowing better until we know better. It is liberating. At Dear Self Trauma Therapy, we firmly believe that no one should bear the burden of trying to be perfect. It is okay to make mistakes. We are all special, but not that special.
xoxo,
Self
At Dear Self Trauma Therapy, self-forgiveness is a priority. Our therapists are trained to support you in ending cycles of self-punishment - whether that shows up in the form of cutting, binge eating, restricting food, drug or alcohol abuse, or toxic relationships. Serving Phoenix, Arizona, and beyond, we help our clients reach their individual goals through therapy.